I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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