Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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