I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
