too bad you live with your parents still
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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