We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
