this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
