i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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