I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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