You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
