He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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