Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
