You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
