Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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