Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
