i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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