Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
