my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
