Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
