sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
