He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
