Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
