It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
