"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
