sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
