Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
