Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
