A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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