This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
