I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
In America we eat man semen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
