so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You need Xanax blowdarts
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
