I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The ass gains better be worth it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
