Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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