My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
