Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
