I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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