What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
