I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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