i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
