yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
