And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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