Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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