sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
