I am in a vortex of obligation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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