Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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