shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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