What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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