Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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