the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
