She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you would pick up someone in the library
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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