i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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