member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
