That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
