better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He did a backflip because drugs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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