the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
