Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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