My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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