two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
