Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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