And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
