sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
