i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
