Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize