So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
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wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom