I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online