i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Randomize
