im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!