I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.