i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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