I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
