I accidentally had phone sex last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
