you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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