i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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