Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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