i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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