hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
