I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
