So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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