Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize