Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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