Porn is love you can see.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
