I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
