i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
