i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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