How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
