I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
